Emotions Can Really Suck
2006-02-20 @ 5:32 p.m.

Now I can catch-up a bit. Valentines Day! I've never been a huge fan. It's nice, I have nothing against it but it seems too manufactured. Anyways, I can't complain about Steve the rest of the year. He's good about getting me flowers etc. every now and then and he does it even when Hallmark doesn't guilt him into it.

This was funny. I received a dozen, long-stemmed red roses from Steve and from Chris, while at work, about five minutes apart. A few of the girls were frowning at me but I just walked them back to my office and displayed them proudly. Luckily, my father didn't inquire about my second admirer. He's Old School, New England discrete that way.

What else? Chris is beginning to distance himself from me. It's nothing overt, just some vibes I picked up on. Fewer calls, fewer requests to come over. Not a major downturn, just minor. I suspect he may be seeing someone else. Of course, that's fine with me. I might be many things but a hypocrite isn't one of them (I hope).

I would be glad if he found someone else if she made him happy. This is the first time I've been really emotionally involved with two people. I've discovered that I cannot have a lengthy sexual relationship without emotional attatchments. I don't mean fun little parties, or a night with another couple where everyone takes it for what it's worth. I mean conversation, sharing hopes, dreams and time together. I guess I'm not built that way.

I say I discovered this, but I knew it all along. It's truly amazing how much self-delusion we can inflict on ourselves when properly motivated. Will see where this goes. I've decided to wait and let him call it off. Men can have fragile egos. I don't and would gladly be the dumpee if it spares his feelings.

Ah, what a tangled web we weave when we can't keep our legs closed. Shakespeare said that, I think.

I was supposed to have a fun, lunchtime romp with Ember and Fabio last Thursday but things got really busy and I had to cancel.

Do you ever get in a sexual rut? Where what first seems exciting or naughty begins to lose it's edge? Steve, lately, has enjoyed cumming on my face. I like it too, sometimes. Not every time. I like it when he cums inside me. I feel like he's marking me as his. I know that's not the politically correct thing to say but it's true. I like the feeling of being his. I like the feeling that he will protect and care for me emotionally and physically. Does that mean I need that all the time? No. It's just nice to know it's there when you do need that comfort and security.

Both my guys have free time this week so I hope I can post something interesting next week. I ordered some lingerie to spice things up. It's been slow in the bedroom department lately and I'm getting that naughty urge.