Do You Hear What I Hear?
2007-02-10 @ 2:39 p.m.

Not to sound like Doctor Phil, but good communication can help any relationship. That sounds great, doesn't it? But what the hell does it really mean?

One of my stumbling blocks, of which I'm very much aware but seem genetically incapable of changing, is actually hearing what 'he' is saying. Or, more precisely, hearing what 'he' says unfiltered by my own interpretation. Perhaps an example to illustrate.

Steve says: "I watching the game tonight."

I hear: "I don't want to spend time with you tonight."

Steve really means: "I'm watching the game tonight."

Steve says: "You look nice tonight."

I hear: "I must not have looked nice last night."

Steve means. "You look nice tonight."

Why must I add spin to what an honest, straightforward man says? Maybe I project. For instance, here's what I do.

Steve says: "Would you mind if I go out tonight with the guys?"

I say: "No, go have fun."

Steve hears: "No, go have fun."

I really said: "Wouldn't you rather spend time with me?"

Now, 99% of the time I encourage Steve to go out with his friends, so that example is a rare event. I have an almost maniacal need to not be a nag. Still, sometimes yes means no.

I say: "I'm bored."

Steve hears: "She's bored."

I mean: "Entertain me! Now!"

I say: "I think I'll just stay home tonight, watch a movie, get a pizza."

Steve hears: "She wants to stay home and be alone."

I mean: "Come by so we can cuddle."

Now, it's not me who is always interpreting instead of just taking things at face value. What four words do most men dread? Could they be, "Why is it soft?" Nope! Those dreaded words are, "We need to talk." I think many men would rather head to the proctologist for an exam than hear those words from their girlfriend.

When I say that, Steve hears: "You fucked-up.....again."

I really mean: "We need to talk about something before things get out of hand."

There is one thing Steve will ask that has a hidden meaning. "Are you tired tonight?" But, we all know what that really means.

I really need to understand that Steve or Chris or whoever may be responsible for what they say but they are not responsible for what I hear.

What's this all about? Well, the other night Steve learned that his cousin, a twenty-two year old, was engaged. Steve said: "Man, that's young. I don't think I'm ready at thirty-one, let alone twenty-two."

I heard: "I don't want to marry you."

Of course, this is much better than what happened to my friend's sister. She was dating a man for three years. They lived together for two. She began making noises about marriage. The other day, he asked her: "So, is there a deadline for me to ask you to marry me?"

Ouch! They really need to talk.

Found a good blog called Finn McCool's (or, in Gaelic legend, Fionn mac Cumhaill). In his own words, the blog is about, "Attainment and atonement, manhood and fatherhood, longing and loving. Telling the tales of life's battles, won and lost."

I like the template photo and the blog does have a lounge-type quality. Another blog that gives us a tantalizing peek into the mind of the male. Check him out.