Game Over
2007-04-10 @ 6:11 a.m.

The long-awaited meeting with Chris finally happened. I had a half-day on Friday. My intention was to head into town and shop. Before I left work though, I received a phone call from Chris. Can you say awkward silences?

He wanted to see me and was "finally up to talking." I extended an invitation to meet me at my house. Unable to help myself, I added, "Do you need the address?"

He came, we talked, he came.

When he walked in, we engaged in meaningless chatter for a few minutes. Then, in a desire for closure, I made the first move. He was sitting on the couch. I sat in a chair nearby. Here's a truncated, paraphrasing of the conversation.

"I care about, you," I began. "Very much. If you need to know anything about me, I will answer any of your questions. There's one condition."

"That I don't get mad?"

"That you'll still love me. You don't have to like me, but just love me."

He hesitated, now that it came to it, not knowing if that was what he wanted after all.

"Want me to start?" Blank stare. "Ok, you know how Steve had no objection to us dating?"

He nodded. "You have an open relationship. That's no secret."

"Yes," I said, unsure how to proceed. "We have an open relationship but...uhm...sometimes...we're...uhm...open....together." There, said it. I should have felt better but I was shaking and my voice wavered.

It took a few seconds for him to get it. He smiled, more as a reflex than anything else. Then he said: "I kind of guessed that."

I'm not sure if that's true or some way to soothe his pride. I didn't care, as long as he talked.

"That's it," I said. "We've done it for a long time now, every few months we get together with some friends..." I babbled, trying to make a group of friends swinging sound like a weekly round of bridge.

He stuttered and stammered. He also said, "I knew you were a free spirit."

"Free spirit. That's better than slut."

He blushed. "I'm sorry for that. That's why I left that night. I felt so bad about that."

A lie. He was already getting dressed to leave when he called me that. I didn't point out that inconvenient chronology. Maybe he believed the lie.

Then I did the ultimate girly move (quite involuntary by the way) and began to cry. "I'm not a bad person...I'm not....I do charity work, I love animals (yes, for some strange reason my love of animals seemed a relevant factor in defending myself), I knit." I threw in anything remotely wholesome. I sounded pretty pathetic. I ran to the bathroom to get a grip. I looked in the mirror. My makeup had run and I looked like a goth chick.

When I returned, Chris sat with me on the couch. He put his arm around me and tried to comfort me.

I told him how much I missed him and how I didn't want things to end on a bad note, if they had to end. I started blubbering again and said, "what do you want to know? I'll tell you anything you want. I've been with girls, I've been with two men... so I'm a slut." I'm not even sure he understood half of what I said. A month of sadness, anger and frustration simply poured itself out in tears.

I was really crying now, thinking about what he must think about me, knowing it was pretty much over. I also hated him for making me feel I had to defend myself. We live in such a strange world, don't we? Reputations can survive so many things that are truly despicable. The CEO of a company can allow the dumping of harmful chemicals into rivers or streams and still be the pillar of the community. But, if it's discovered his sex life is unconventional....he's finished.

Chris hugged me, stroked my hair and whispered, "Alright, alright." He was very tender. For a brief time I felt warm and secure in his arms. Then we kissed. Kissed some more. Undressed each other with a frantic speed and made love on the couch and then the carpet. He came quickly and apologized because I hadn't climaxed. I stroked his face and told him I didn't care about that. He remained hard and after another minute he came again.

It was, without a doubt, one of the most intense sexual experiences of my life. It was a combination of 'make-up' sex and 'I just found out you occasionally have sex with girls' sex. A highly flammable combination.

Afterwards, Chris sat up with a vacant stare. He rose, gathered his clothes and said, "I don't think I can do this. I'll call you." He dressed and left without looking at me.

There's nothing quite as humiliating as lying on the floor, naked, filled with a man's cum, flushed with happiness after what you thought was an intense, emotional, intimate encounter only to have a him up and leave.

That was the bad. Very bad. But there was some good.

Abbie and Chad were invited to a sex party Friday night. Abbie called and asked if I wanted to go. I did not. Then, she asked if I would watch her children (a boy and a girl). My immediate thought was, no. I need to be alone. Then I thought better of it. I agreed to babysit.

The two (whom I've watched before) came over late Friday afternoon. We had a wonderful time. I took them to rent some DVD's, got them Burger King and later, made some popcorn. We camped out on the living room floor stuffing our faces and watching some cute kids flicks.

On Saturday morning, I made special Easter pancakes. That is, pancakes in the shape of bunnies. The had big floppy ears and puffy tails (the pancakes, not the children). Not being a mother, I did not know, but soon discovered, that children adore the bunny pancakes but do not want to eat them because it might hurt the bunny. Therefore, I had to whip up a batch of regular pancakes.

Steve then came and within the hour I was all but forgotten. I was quite impressed with how the children took to him and with Steve's patience with them. Abbie stopped by at noon to pick them up. I was sorry to see them leave. There is a healing quality in the innocence of children.

Saturday night was spent with Steve. I finally got the hair-pulling, ass-slapping sex I craved, without the abrupt departure. Or maybe it was ass-pulling, hair-slapping sex. Whatever it was, it was good stuff. Maybe I'll write about it next time. This is too long already.

Here's a blog that recently linked to me. The Heron Clan. I haven't had time to check it out thoroughly, but I looked forward to doing so. It's about a BDSM/poly relationship, something I'm not into but a topic that always brings out the voyeur in me. I have read a few posts and it looks serious and thoughtful. Thanks for the link, HC.