Good Advice and Some Links
2007-06-27 @ 7:12 a.m.

I'm surprised it took Chris this long--my money was on 2-3 weeks. He's crazy about you. Problem is: he can't have you, not really, not the way he wants. And that hasn't changed since your last two "problem encounters". I don't think you should tell him to go to hell. But I do think you have to cut him loose. Maybe it could be different in another life, but in this one, you both want different things. And no guy wants to live a life feeling like he's Plan B. Let him move on and work out something great with someone else. It's the kindest, most loving thing you can do for him. (And for yourself.)

I think he's sincere about trying to handle it too. But I don't think trying will change the fundamental fact that he wants ALL of you, exclusively, not just part of you. Right now, he is rationalizing that some is better than nothing. (And haven't we all been there...)For your part, it's understandable that you are weak. It's not a conflict for you--you want him non-exclusively and that's exactly what he's offering. It's a good deal for you and a sucky one for him.I'll make a prediction: He will call you. He'll be fine with things for a short time--weeks, maybe a month. He'll bottle up his past bad behavior because he's learned what that will get him. Then one day, the dam will burst (yeah, I know I'm mixing metaphors here) and he'll lash out again. Just like before, it will happen at a moment when he feels extremely close to you, when his heart has opened up and he is forced to face his desires. And you'll both be right back where you are now, only a little more bruised up.

I hope for the best. On that note, Chris and I had our first post-break get-together. It was an actual date: Dinner and a movie. It was much like an actual first date, despite our history. Both of us were somewhat anxious and the conversation was slightly forced. Nothing happened afterwards except for a kiss good night. I think the second date will determine if we can ever, truly be comfortable together again.

A few of the blogs on my side bar pulled a Judge Crater and vanished. Here are some replacements that you may appreciate. I'll add these in the near future. I'm loath to add anyone. Good reading is hard to come by and when I do find a blog I like it always seems as if it just as suddenly vanishes.

There's Polyamorously Perverse, a husband and wife blog that's been around for a while. Unfortunately, I just discovered it.

There's Wifecapades. It looks new and, as per usual, since I found it they haven't updated. Maybe they'll be back.

Here's a promising one: It's called A Poly Page for Secondaries. It's unique in that I've never seen a blog focusing on this aspect of this crazy, poly business.

A few new developments. Patrice called again, wanting to get together with Steve and I. We may be able to do something before we go on vacation. It's difficult for me to "set things up" in advance. I'm much more of a spontaneous Gal. That's why Steve and I have never done a Date Night type of thing with anyone. I'd just hate to create expectations for someone and then not be in 'the mood." And, I'm definitely an 'in the mood' type girl. I have trouble faking sincerity (unless a close friend or relative gives me a really ugly gift).

Cooper will soon be back. Unfortunately, it's not a pleasure trip for him. He called me last night to say he'd be back in town for at least two weeks because an immediate family member was diagnosed with a serious medical condition and has been hospitalized. I told him, "If you need anything, just ask." He started laughing. "Not like that," I said. "Well, like that too, if you want."

So, Cooper may be crashing with me and/or Steve in a few days, for a few weeks.

I think the Yankees are done. It's never wise to completely count them out but I think it's over. Despite my Sox doing so well, I think Baseball, at least American League ball, lacks something when the Sox and Yankees aren't waging a titanic struggle for first place. But, maybe that's me.